Before I had children I would judge parents when I felt they were not disciplining their children. I was the big mouth teenager saying ‘boiii (that was the lingo back then) if that was my child, I would slap them!’. Seriously didn’t understand why parents would let their kids get away with things. Now I do.
I didn’t know that sometimes I would feel guilty and upset when I discipline my children. I have to literally keep repeating to myself that it will do more harm in the future I don’t want him to end up in jail (God forbid).
Like most parents, I absolutely love my children. It’s so deep, words are just not enough. To be fair to my son, he is generally a really good boy. Cheeky but so lovely and such a joy to have around so when he does something really bad, and he has to face the consequence for his actions I feel guilty. The worst is when I make a really strong threat thinking I wouldn’t have to actually go through with it, but then unfortunately I do. It’s kind of like detention at school, both pupils and teachers would rather be elsewhere, but unfortunately, they did the crime so they have to do the time.
Personally, I have made peace with the fact that discipline is not even about me. It’s about raising responsible law abiding citizens. It’s what’s best for the them. But kids can pull on your heartstrings and make you feel so guilty. They are so much smarter than we give them credit. It’s when Isaiah is in trouble that he remembers that another child hurt him at school and that’s why he’s crying so I can sympathise with him (not today son). Then he’ll also drop the ‘you don’t love me.. you only love Isabelle baaaaaaaaa’ . Don’t get me wrong, I can really loose it at times that I yell at him out of frustration – but don’t we all. Then I feel really rubbish afterwards.
Sometimes everything can seem like such a battle with him. From, putting his shoes on (notice how often I have mentioned this in previous blogs? Le struggle is real) to eating his food. So now when he asks ‘why?’ I offer a nonnegotiable reason- I’m big, your small, I’m right and you’re wrong and there’s nothing you can do about it *drops mic*.
Seriously, does any parent ever feel worried to be seen as a bad cop or the mean one? Or is it one of those situation where as a modern parent, I’m so cautious that I overthink it all? I’m I mummy coddling him? Because if I remember growing up, no meant no whether I liked it or not. As a child I use to find that so annoying! However, that has contributed to the woman that I am today.
So in short, I just don’t want to be the nagging mum who kills all thing fun. I don’t want to be too hard on him that he may actually believe that I don’t like him. I am truly blessed to have so many things that happens in the day to remind me that I’m doing a good job. I think it’s about accepting that I may never enjoy disciplining my kids but it’s necessary, sort of like getting up at 5 am because my toddler does.